Wednesday, January 18, 2012

unemployed and it feels so... awkward.

I quit my retail job in May.
I spent the summer volunteering at Loucon.
Husband and I moved to Chattanooga.
Husband and I went on a cross-country adventure.
I participated in the Writer's Platform-Building Campaign.
My best friend was diagnosed with a grade II astrocytoma* in her left frontal lobe.
Husband and I went to New York.
I won NaNoWriMo.
I was in a play.
Christmas happened.
New Year's happened.
Several friends have come to visit.

Yesterday:
My mom turned 61 {I'm not afraid to share, because she owns it}.
Katie's surgery didn't go exactly as planned, but she's okay.
She starts chemo and radiation in about a month.

And last night at small group, a friend asked how my job search was going.

What job search?

Ah, crap, I haven't worked in eight months. What a loser.

Well, okay. I've worked, but I haven't had a job. I haven't been paid for anything. And if this is what full-time writing looks like? It's a wonder anyone gets anything done {I am not a very productive being}.

I wouldn't mind getting a job. I really wouldn't {it might happen soon, actually}. But I'm not exactly chomping at the bit for one. It's a blessing, for sure, that I don't need to have a job right now. A luxury that makes me blush to admit. My husband works his tail off doing something he half-loves so that I can do what I full-love. If only I didn't fail at it, or dance around it, or gape at it, drooling and terrified.

It's true that I've accomplished far less, writing-wise, than I'd hoped to by now {and, no, I'm not counting NaNo}. Life, of course, has been crazy. But I'm not blaming life. I'm actually... thanking life? Or, to be more accurate, thanking the Lord for giving me this life. As jumbly and hectic and painful as it's been, there have also been great moments. Especially during the play. Things I wouldn't trade for the world, let alone a paycheck.

And so today?
I will clean the kitchen.
I will disconnect myself from the internet.
I will write.
I will inquire about a nannying job.
I *might* even go on a walk in the woods behind our house {oh yes, this one first, please}.

And I will practice telling people that I do have a job. One I love so much, I don't need to be compensated to justify it.

It's called being a stay-at-home writer wife. And if I can really do that with intent {hey-oh, there's my word}, won't it be so much better than throwing in the towel and jumping back into retail?

OH MY GOOD GOLLY, YES.

*I didn't link to any information about this because Katie has asked/trained me not look up stuff about her condition on the internet {or at least, not to tell her about it}. She wants her info to come from doctors, and I wholly respect that. Feel free to google it if you want, but you never know what you might find.

12 comments:

  1. It is really an odd feeling to be unemployed. My husband was for 18 months, and just when we got used to it he landed a job. Good for you for staying busy. And yes, writing is considered work. Someday I, too, hope to paid for it. : )

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  2. I've been in the same boat as you since September, but I didn't have as good of an attitude as you (at least, about telling people I DO have a job). It is such a blessing to be able to be a Stay-At-Home-Writer-Wife. Although I've decided to go back to work part-time, I'm still very grateful it's not due to financial necessity. Yay for awesome husbands!

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  3. "And I will practice telling people that I do have a job. One I love so much, I don't need to be compensated to justify it." Good for you! It sounds like you do plenty, and you certainly don't need to justify your unpaid labors to anyone. :)

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  4. Wow. You've had an interesting few months!
    Sending my best to your friend, too. Hope she's better soon!

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  5. Our lives shouldn't be defined by our monetary status. It should be about doing something with the life we've been given.

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  6. "It's a blessing, for sure, that I don't need to have a job right now. A luxury that makes me blush to admit. My husband works his tail off doing something he half-loves so that I can do what I full-love. If only I didn't fail at it, or dance around it, or gape at it, drooling and terrified."

    Ohmygoodness YES. This was my situation for the past 6 months - and is still pretty much true, actually, since my new job is only 5 hours a week. There's so much gratitude and guilt and (largely self-imposed) pressure to succeed at writing ASAP when you're a stay-at-home writer wife, but it's a wonderful and exhilarating experience all the same. I'm glad that you're totally owning it now, and I'm going to try to do the same.

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  7. I'm unemployed at the moment. I'm looking for a job, but I don't know that I'd have the time to do it if I found one ;-)

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  8. being a stay-at-home-writer-wife is an awesome job! i did that for a month or two--i do better and write more (crazily enough) when i'm working though. your blog is so inspiring by the way, it makes me want to start an novel~

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  9. What a blessing to be a stay at home wife and writer!!! Don't let anyone make you feel guilty about it. Sometimes the writing gets put on the side for other important things, but it's also a blessing to be able to help others more because you aren't tied to a job.

    I work part-time out of the home, but I still knew exactly what you meant about the writing part: "fail at it, or dance around it, or gape at it, drooling and terrified." There is something wonderful and also paralyzing about being able to devote your working hours to writing.

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  10. My husband worked his butt off so that i could stay home and homeschool our children K - 12th. It is definately a blessing to have someone who supports you like that.

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  11. I'm also looking for a job now, although this time of year seriously sucks when you want something to do. :-/

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  12. Yessss! It's hard to own the stay at home writer wife thing... but it's REALLY ok to be there, to do that... You're not the only one :) Keep pecking away at that keyboard, Juliemybird.

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