I made out a list of pros and cons for accepting the part of Philomena in Sister Mary Ignatius Explains It All For You.
-I get to be in a play again!
-Friends will come to see me!
-Sense of accomplishment!
-I miss it I miss it I miss it!
-I get to be half a camel, which is hilarious!
-I feel squidgy about the subject matter.
-I hate the way this portrays not only religious people, but Christianity in general.
-I would never want my in-laws to see this.
-I would never want my camp friends to see this.
-I would never want my family to see this.
-I would never want them to associate me with this.
-My schedule is already booked solid for the next month.
-I'm going out of town for a week in the middle of rehearsals.
-My free time needs to be spent on other things.
-What about writing? That's been so fun lately, and this would compromise that greatly. It's already distracted me for three days.
-I cannot participate in a mocking of the death of Christ, no matter how the director spins it.
-What about the painting I was going to make for my brother? I'll barely be able to finish that while pretty-much-working-full-time, let alone if I'm rehearsing for a play, too (regardless of its subject matter).
I could go on. You get the gist. The schedule prospect stresses me out. But, most of all, I would not be able to participate on stage with a clear conscience. I'll get over the camel thing.
In the middle of my two-day OhmygoshwhatamIgoingtodoaboutthis episode, Joshua found a video of some community college's production of Sister Mary. After watching it with me, he made an excellent point. He said that if someone with existing negative views of Christianity were to see this play, those views would only be reinforced. Something like that. And I agree.
Thank you to all the friends I confided in about this. I feel like it was a tough call for me, since I miss acting so much. But, really, as several of you have implied, I think I knew the whole time. I still feel a little guilty, like I'm missing both an acting and a witnessing opportunity, but at church yesterday the pastor mentioned doing all things as an act of glory toward God, and I was immediately convicted. Hrm. I know I just made that sound like being in the play WOULD have glorified God, but the very strong feeling I got upon hearing it was the opposite. That there would be NO WAY I could do this show and all my actions glorify God at the same time. It just wouldn't mix.
And, you know, with me, God should always win.