Thursday, December 16, 2010

life stuff. brother stuff.

For once, I am not writing this from the library.

I am actually in quite an opposite sort of place.  Well, it's a hotel.  I don't know why a hotel is the opposite of a library, but it's certainly at least not the same thing.

I'm in a hotel in Florida with my parents, and we're watching White Christmas on TV.

There's a thing about blogging that confuses me.  ANOTHER thing.  You're supposed to be fun and interesting and... you know, within you readers' comfort zone.  No one really WANTS to read about life stuff.  You have your own life stuff to deal with.  But I feel like if I don't come clean about some of my life stuff, I'll be wary of blogging anymore at all.  And we all know how much of a loss that would be.  *self-depricating smirk*

Without getting into it too much (especially since a few of you won't be hearing this for the first time), my brother is an addict.  To... well, it doesn't matter what to.  He is an addict, and that's all anyone needs to know.  My parents hit their rock bottom with him a few months ago, and sent him to his last chance, an incredible facility called Caron Renaissance, here in Boca Raton.

Yes, the same Boca Raton where we've vacationed my whole life.
Yes, the same Boca Raton where Brother tried to kill himself a year and a half ago.
That one.

And that's where we are now, for his Family Week.  I know I can't share any details, but I did want to put it out there and say how much I'm learning, and how COOL it is to meet all these other families.  We've even met another family from the same part of Louisville as my parents.  The same part!  And Louisville's not a small city!

More than anything, I love watching people interact with each other in group therapy settings.  It really reminds me of sharing times at Loucon-- you know, the really deep, important ones, from back in high school.  Not to belittle sharing times on staff, but that was different.  I was the helper then, not the helped, so much (though there were always surprises).

And it really makes me want to go to therapy more often.  Since I need it so much.  (?)  You know how I love to talk.  To go deep.  All these family group sessions have been both exhausting and exhilarating to me.  We're not alone!  Everybody has feelings!  IT'S OKAY FOR MEN TO CRY!  IT'S OKAY TO GIVE STRANGERS HUGS AND TELL THEM YOU LOVE THEM!  Is it proof of the fall that human beings do not behave so lovingly and openly with one another in "normal" situations?  I don't know.  Probably.

My parents and I were joking earlier that I'm going to need therapy for wanting too much therapy.

Needless to say, I've been pleasantly surprised this week.  Maybe not with Brother, himself, but with the place.  The way it works.  The people around him.  HE still needs a lot of help.

But I'm not worried, because he is in a safe place, with help lingering over his shoulders everywhere he goes.  It's a good thing.

I do not know how to close this post, for some reason.  White Christmas is still on.  I've never really watched it all the way through before.  It seems that tonight is the night.

Joshua, I miss you.  See you on Saturday, which can't come too soon.


  1. I heard in a sermon once that EVERYONE needs therapy because everyone needs to be mentored and have someone to talk to. That's why a quality accountability partner is so important. I'm glad your brother is doing well. I remember working with him as a counselor all those years ago...give him a hug for me and know that I'm praying for him and your family. Love you girl!


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