unemployed and it feels so... awkward.

I quit my retail job in May.
I spent the summer volunteering at Loucon.
Husband and I moved to Chattanooga.
Husband and I went on a cross-country adventure.
I participated in the Writer's Platform-Building Campaign.
My best friend was diagnosed with a grade II astrocytoma* in her left frontal lobe.
Husband and I went to New York.
I won NaNoWriMo.
I was in a play.
Christmas happened.
New Year's happened.
Several friends have come to visit.

Yesterday:
My mom turned 61 {I'm not afraid to share, because she owns it}.
Katie's surgery didn't go exactly as planned, but she's okay.
She starts chemo and radiation in about a month.

And last night at small group, a friend asked how my job search was going.

What job search?

Ah, crap, I haven't worked in eight months. What a loser.

Well, okay. I've worked, but I haven't had a job. I haven't been paid for anything. And if this is what full-time writing looks like? It's a wonder anyone gets anything done {I am not a very productive being}.

I wouldn't mind getting a job. I really wouldn't {it might happen soon, actually}. But I'm not exactly chomping at the bit for one. It's a blessing, for sure, that I don't need to have a job right now. A luxury that makes me blush to admit. My husband works his tail off doing something he half-loves so that I can do what I full-love. If only I didn't fail at it, or dance around it, or gape at it, drooling and terrified.

It's true that I've accomplished far less, writing-wise, than I'd hoped to by now {and, no, I'm not counting NaNo}. Life, of course, has been crazy. But I'm not blaming life. I'm actually... thanking life? Or, to be more accurate, thanking the Lord for giving me this life. As jumbly and hectic and painful as it's been, there have also been great moments. Especially during the play. Things I wouldn't trade for the world, let alone a paycheck.

And so today?
I will clean the kitchen.
I will disconnect myself from the internet.
I will write.
I will inquire about a nannying job.
I *might* even go on a walk in the woods behind our house {oh yes, this one first, please}.

And I will practice telling people that I do have a job. One I love so much, I don't need to be compensated to justify it.

It's called being a stay-at-home writer wife. And if I can really do that with intent {hey-oh, there's my word}, won't it be so much better than throwing in the towel and jumping back into retail?

OH MY GOOD GOLLY, YES.

*I didn't link to any information about this because Katie has asked/trained me not look up stuff about her condition on the internet {or at least, not to tell her about it}. She wants her info to come from doctors, and I wholly respect that. Feel free to google it if you want, but you never know what you might find.

angst-baking, nano, and youtube {oh my}.

So, I did that whole "sick" thing this past week. Great fun. I did not sleep AT ALL last Friday night, which I'm sure didn't help. I never got tired enough to even try. Bizarre. As you may know, I've had a lot on my mind. You know how stuff is, and how it always comes in threes {or, in my current case, fives}. At four in the morning last Saturday, after I stopped trying to sleep, something happened for the first time since college... or perhaps ever.

I angst-baked.

Flourless peanut butter cookies. Yurm. Want the recipe?

Mine did not look like this.

1 cup of peanut butter
1 cup of white sugar
1 egg

Mix it all together, spoon out your dollops, hashtag those puppies with your fork, and bake for 8 minutes. At least, that's what the website said to do. Methinks I should have left mine in for about 10. They ended up tasting like hot dough in cookie shapes. Granted, I have never had a successful solo cooking experience in my life {not counting spaghetti, microwave meals, or frozen pizzas}. So, for me? They were awesome.

Speaking of insanity {weren't we?}, I have decided that I absolutely must participate in NaNoWriMo, regardless of these things:

1. I will be in New York the first weekend of the month, and at camp the third.
2. I have no basis for the story, other than two characters and a vague idea.
3. I will have rehearsals to go to almost every night {oh yeah, I got into a play}.
4. My best friend has a brain tumor.*
5. I have a perfectly good WiP that does not deserve to be abandoned any further.
6. This thing freaking starts in four days.
7. Coffee is expensive.

*Remember the health issue I mentioned a few weeks ago? This is that. I've been not-saying-anything for a while, and it's been eating at me. If you don't want to read about Katie's grade II astrocytoma, I apologize in advance for the inevitability of my posting about it. I know I'll feel A LOT better if I can be open with you all.

On the flipside, here are the reasons *why*:

1. I have confidence that I'll be able to make up for lost words, before and after these trips.
2. I'm sure I have more of a basis than I realize, and I love what I do have.
3. Rehearsals don't start until 7:30.
4. Katie wants me to got for it.
5. My perfectly good WiP has been giving me the evil eye.
6. I'm {mostly) a pantser... why should I worry? I'll wing it, after all.
7. Tea is less expensive, and we have plenty of it.

As stupid as this endeavor sounds, in light of everything else that's going on, I can't help but be excited. Oh, the sweet release of going into another world. I sure could use more of that.

In keeping with the incoherent nature of this post, here's a music video. I've loved this song for years, but never saw the video {the wonderful, delightful video} until this week. I forget about things like YouTube. What a weirdo I am {and thanks, Katie, for finally getting me to watch it}.

Love to all! Tune in next time {or, the next few times} for lists of things I love, an award or two, and a dissertation on why I am OH MY GOSH still awake at this hour.*

*Probably not one to get your hopes up about.

to keep us happy.

First things first, let’s talk about this button that Tara Tyler made for the contest:

Is that love or is that love?

Second things second, let’s talk about how I’m going to extend the contest. At this rate, everyone’s a winner! {That’s not a bad thing, but still…}

And for our third thing, let me apologize for falling off the face of the planet in the last two weeks. At first, it was because of the whole “I was a grown up and posted every day for a while. I will reward myself by not posting at all!” Tsk tsk. And then on Wednesday, my life took an unexpected turn. Let’s leave it at a health issue of a dear (nay, best) friend. I spent the whole weekend with her family at the hospital, and now, even though she’s home in Chattanooga (rejoice!), there may be a long haul ahead of us.

I want to keep blogging, I do. Promise. I can’t promise quality, though {be grateful that I didn’t post anything this weekend. It would have been… unattractive}.

But wait, what about the contest? What about the campaign? Good. Questions. The timing, needless to say, is not ideal, but timings are never ideal. The contest will go on {!}, thanks to my special helper and favorite Jeigh in the world, Jeigh Meredith. On days that I can’t blog, she’ll pop in and help with the contest, and hopefully tell a few jokes.

And, no, I haven’t forgotten the prizes. Tomorrow? We’ll solidify the prizes {and some of the rules} tomorrow. YOU WILL WANT TO WIN.

{Please?}

And, on an unrelated note, here’s something that makes me happy.

It pays to have friends who are marrying illustrators, it really does. Here’s a huge thank you and high five to Chris, fiance of Jess at Concrete Pieces of Soul, for making this sketch, out of the kindness of his heart.

Introducing, my main character, Bell. He looks like a person and everything!

Dear Bell,
Sorry for the recent abandonment. I have a good reason. Who am I kidding, you’re probably grateful. I wouldn’t be happy with me, either. Enjoy the respite while you have it.

If you’re so inclined, check out Chris’s website. He’s got loads of talent. Loads, I say.

Thanks, Chris. And thanks, Jess. And a big thanks to Jeigh for her willingness to help me out.
Let’s keep those contest entries coming! You have until the 28th now. Make me proud!
P.s. The things I’ve seen so far are nothing short of awesome. Thanks so much to everyone who’s participated!

{Oh, and, you know, if you are inclined to pray, please remember my friend Katie. Thanks.}

one award, seven things about me, and some other stuff.

In keeping with this week's theme of "rites of passage," I have officially received my first blog award. (!) Thanks, Jeigh, for being awesome and making me feel good about myself. And for laughing at all my stupid jokes. And for getting excited about all the right things. Dang, you're cool.

Look at how pretty it is!

The catch, of course, is that I have to share interesting things about myself. And then, you know, pass on the award, which is the fun part! But before we get to that fun part, here are seven things you may or may not know about me.

1. I am a vegetarian. Surprised? Strangely, even my grandmother forgets this about me, from time to time. Which is funny, because I haven't eaten meat since I was, like, six. I just don't like it. It began, in all honesty, with my dad referring to my half-eaten drumstick as a "chicken leg." The freak-out went a little something like this: "What?! WHAT. AM. I. EATING???!!!!!" Little Julie was horrified. Dead animals + my insides = should not be mixing. Soon after that, the texture of most meats began to revolt me--ground beef is the absolute worst. Even though I didn't officially call myself vegetarian until college, I hadn't eaten meat without grimacing or complaining (or abstaining entirely) since the chicken leg debacle of approximately 1991. It's a little bit animal rights, a little bit "I just don't like it," and a little bit of that original freak-out, still hanging on.

2. I am the only girl (of my generation) in my biological family. I have one brother... and five male first cousins. Surprisingly, I never played sports.

3. Scars: I have a scar on my lip from falling down the stairs on my fourth birthday, chasing after my new kitten. That kitten just passed away a year ago. She was 21. I have a scar on my hand that is a complete mystery, which is a shame, because it looks really cool. Yeah, I'm kind of boring at the scar game.

4. I am embarrassingly sensitive to silverware. Silverware rips holes in my sanity, if I'm not careful. I hate the feeling/sound of metal scraping against my teeth (uuhhnghg), on plates (eeeeenghkk), even other people's teeth (pleaseplease, make it stop). It doesn't upset me emotionally or anything, so don't feel like you have to apologize for scraping your teeth across your horrible, metal fork every time you take a bite *shudder shudder scream gag*, but now you know why I sometimes have to find a random subject to talk about, or suddenly go to the bathroom. I'd rather do that than say, "I'm sorry, every new friend I ever make, I detest silverware. I require that we only use plastic or bamboo flatware in my presence." I save that for my poor husband. In fact, his very first gift to me, back when we were dating, was a set of bamboo flatware. I'm not kidding (he's such a keeper). And every holiday with my parents, my place is clearly defined by the plastic picnic ware 'mongst the good china and fancy goblets. You didn't know it was this bad, did you? I'm trying to improve. At least I don't take my own flatware with me to restaurants (but don't think it hasn't crossed my mind).

5. I used to ride horses. Then I got scared. Story of my life.

6. I am mildly in love with anime. I don't have an excuse. It's a guilty pleasure. If I can ignore the typically over-dramatic dialogue (and steer clear of the particular shows involving larger-than-life boobs), there's just something about it that makes me feel all happy inside. There. Now you know.

7. The first blog I ever followed was The Itty Bitty Kitty Committee. In fact, I joined blogger so I could follow it. Don't make fun. I was planning a wedding at the time. Baby cats = stress relief of kings. When I finally started my own blog, there was this huge mental hurdle I had to get over. I was like, "What do people who don't foster kittens blog about?" And then I found the YA writing community, and the "Aha!" moment was not far behind.

Aren't you glad to know all those weird things about me? I have dutifully prepared you for possible conversation topics, future trivia, and, of course, what to do when faced with the daunting situation of dining with me.

[Speaking of trivia, and anime, and The Count of Monte Cristo (were we not talking about that one?), this is a real thing. It is so bizarre. Be warned, though, it's not for kids... and not really anything like The Count of Monte Cristo (though still more faithful than the Jim Caviezel version). I'm also not technically recommending it to someone unfamiliar with anime (there are lots better out there). But it is just so dang weird, I had to mention it. If you're not familiar with anime, but you want to be (rah rah!), start with any film by Hayao Miyazaki, as I'm sure I've said before. Love love love.]

Anyway, now onto the fun part! *obligatory drumroll* My three picks for this award are:

Elisabeth, at fairbetty's world: A real life friend who just happens to also be a blogging, aspiring novelist. Yeah, it's pretty awesome. Plus, she just got back from "researching" in Scotland. You know you want to be a part of that. Tidbit: her cousin, Katie, and their annual family trip to Mt. LeConte (sound familiar yet?) may or may not be what brought my husband and me together. :) Them's family ties, right there.

Amber, at C(am)em(ber)[t]: quite possibly my favorite blog title, ever. She's a friend, listener, and make-happen-er: smart-as-a-whip and pretty, too. And her blog is full of thoughtful, useful stuff. She lives and breathes writing, and boy is it contagious.

and

Jessica, at Graduate Gourmet: Because after a long day of writing, is there anything better than gawking at beautiful food? No. :) Jess and I are long time friends and camp buddies. Now she lives and works in DC, and blogs about food, and dangitall if the girl can't roast some mean asparagus. Foodies unite!

So, go on over! Show some love! And winners, now you get to pass it on, if you like. See, isn't this fun? Later on, friends (I'm cutting this a little short, because hoo-wee, would you look at the time).

Bye!

proof that the youth are revolting.

Yes, that title is a Five Iron Frenzy reference.  I am the "youth," and here is your proof:

And then Katie and I dyed it:

Which you can't tell AT ALL with it wet/against my pink shirt, so I put on my blue jacket.

It'll totally look redder dry... right?  Maybe not.  We did run out of dye too soon.  Yeah, even after cutting off like 5 inches, my hair is THAT thick.

P.s. I know that video is WEIRD and something is way messed up.  If anyone knows what I did wrong, please inform me.  I am not techno savvy in the least.

EDIT.  I was revolting against long, light brown hair, in case you were wondering.

prized possessions, a shell with shoes on, and some fancy fiddlin'.

Perhaps I changed the look of my blog AGAIN because I wanted to see it as retro blueish... wallpaper.  I don't really have an explanation for this, other than not having found the design that I Absolutely Love yet.

My Katie is here, and we had a well deserved girls night out.  Girls evening out, really.  I finally bought a thing I've had my eyes on for quite some time:

Coconut shell earrings.  I ended up with two pairs, actually.  A light and a dark.  Only $5 each!  And I was all like, yeah I want two!  Then I sat down in front of the full length mirror-- right there in the store-- and wiggled and fumbled until I was finally able to work those fastening posts.  It's not like you can see anything back there.  It was kind of like putting in contacts for the first time.  Hopefully I'll master these the way I mastered that.  Also, Fizz is a really neat place.  Go check out that link.  Jewelry/funky stuff heaven.  Hmm.  Kind of like the rest of Market Square.  But I am not complaining about that.

So, here are 7 things I'm loving right now:

1.  This video:

MARCEL THE SHELL WITH SHOES ON from Dean Fleischer-Camp on Vimeo.

Thank you, Leslie.

2.  Coconut earrings.  Check.

3.  Our new kitten, of course.  And the fact that said kitten likes to sleep under the covers.  And that he is nursing on my pinky finger right now.  

4.  Dahlonega, GA.  The name "Dahlonega," which comes from a Cherokee word for gold, is not pronounced, "daluh-NAY-ga," which is what I would have thought, but "dah-LOHN-ega," which is so much more pleasing to my ears.  Everyone in North Georgia is rolling their eyes at me right now, but I wanted to share my delight anyway.

5.  Poetry.  I want to read more of it.

6.  All the music Crooked Still has ever made.  Sampling, here:

7.  The way I feel on fall nights.  Romantic.  Adventurous.  Nostalgic.  Excited for nothing in particular.

That's all, I suppose, though surely I could go on for hours.