what i wanted and what i got.

Been thinking about why I ran in anxious circles around my blog for months on end. Part of me doesn't think there will ever be an answer (or that I even need one), but the other part has a guess.

I really really really wanted to look professional... and so I decided to cut out everything personal or emotional and only blog about craft.   (???)

Which, you may have noticed, I haven't gotten around to.

Clearly, I was only afraid of being myself.

I am naturally on the personal/emotional end of things. This means that I am prone to gushing. I do not generally blog in advance. I suppose it's the pantser in me. My posts come in spurts. I often write about writing, anyway, because how could I not? And yet, I couldn't shake the constant, depressing tug to FIX everything about this space, to legitimize it. This personal, emotional space.

Then I became so preoccupied with "legitimacy," I felt like I was lying. As if the only options were a false me or an unprofessional me!

There is so much freedom to write about what I love, here. Who CARES if I don't join in on ALL the blogfests, or do ALL the giveaways... or have ALL the answers? My only job in this space is to ENJOY IT! Amiright?

I feel like I'm rallying the troops, here. Rally rally! Be yourself! Enjoy blogging! Smile! Professionalism has many facets, and will come naturally if you genuinely care about what you're doing.

Oh, and happy weekend!

rahrahrahrah

i feel good.

It's one of those coveted times when all I want to do is look at my blog because I LIKE it again. It's clean. Pretty. Still in progress, but established. It makes me not afraid to comment on other blogs anymore (which has kept me away for months, sadly) (I won't deny my vanity).

There are a lot of things to feel good about, in the way of updates. I killed NaNo, for one. Granted, that does not mean I've actually finished the draft yet (about 20k to go, methinks), but winning was good. Participating was good. Material was generated, and I have more to work with now that I have had in a long time.

Oh, and we moved. Yeah yeah. Again. That's two moves in 2012, three in 15 months. All told, my husband and I have lived in five different places since getting married at the end of 2009. Four cities, two states... and a district. It's true! We live in Washington, DC, all of a sudden. For a couple of kids who never moved from babyhood to college, it's been quite the wild ride.

DC is fantastic. Bizarre and huge and carved of stone, like all major cities. Quite an adjustment. But I have no complaints. DC is apparently not known for its food, but we sure can't tell. We also hear a lot of, "You live IN the District? Are you SAFE?" Yes, we're safe. DC has grown a lot in the last decade or so (as I'm told), and our neighborhood especially in the last few years. We love it.

image.

I suppose most people outside of DC don't associate it with anything but government and school trips (as I once did, before coming to visit friends instead of monuments). Rest assured, readers. This city is VIBRANT with local identity, great food, awesome churches... just to name a few things we've experienced so far. I could go on (I could always go on), but there will be more chances. Also, I've only lived here for six weeks. Heh.

Anyway. Pretty blogosphere. *pets* I missed you.

How was your 2012?

my blog is undead.

This did not happen on purpose. I didn't sit down and think, "now would be a good time to get hacked and have my blog start spamming readers about credit scores and family planning." *ugly sigh*

And yet, here I am. It happened at an appropriate time, at least. I had been questioning my relationship with blogging for months, and ho! An excuse to avoid it!

My avoidance issues know no bounds. Even starting a NEW blog didn't help.

And then I thought, a SECRET blog, perhaps? The benefits of secret-blogging were like waves of honey and amber in a moonlit forest: bad poetry that made my mouth water, anyway.

But really, I'm just being silly and I know it. I'm afraid of getting back into the social aspects of blogging, even though the social aspects of blogging gave me my crit partners, and countless other invaluable writing friends.

So, forgive me friends, for the months and months of mulling. Questions like, "Who am I REALLY? What do I want to say, REALLY? What is my platform, REALLY?" When, REALLY, all I need to do is shut up, write, and be myself.

I won't deny that I have social anxieties. I always have. I get fretty. I abandon things for months on end.

But I generally always come back.

Hello, there!